


Back where I started

by Ladyblanc_RU



Series: The Last Survivor [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, M/M, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Panic Attacks, Self-Worth Issues, To Be Continued, Witcher Jaskier | Dandelion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24944722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyblanc_RU/pseuds/Ladyblanc_RU
Summary: Jaskier near him nervously looked at his childhood home not sure whether he is ready to step inside after everything that happened.Geralt gently put his hand on bard’s shoulder squeezing it a bit. “You don’t have to do this. We always can find another job.”Minstrel shook his head smiling weakly. “You know we can’t. Not here,” he wiped his face trying to hide tears, which rolled over his cheeks, “There aren’t many monsters around. Besides, I can’t run from this place forever.”*Is a second part of a series. Can be read as a stand-alone*
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: The Last Survivor [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756648
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	Back where I started

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for all your kudos and comments on the first part of this series, and adittional thanks to my beta!  
> WARNING: In this work will be described a panic attak, so please be careful. Also this works breafly adresses theme of toxic family relationship, child abuse and some mental issues.  
> With that being said, enjoy reading and let me know what do you think in comments below

I

A deer looked around cautiously sniffing the forest air. Julian squinted and got a little closer to the animal carefully watching his steps, sharp bush branches clung to his clothes. _Why did I even agree to this?_ The man exhaled quietly rolling his eyes. He and Geralt had a bet whether he would be able to catch this deer, which, for some reason, decided to hide in the middle of blueberry. _He will mock me for eternity if I fuck up right now._ Surprisingly, the prey in front of him relaxed a bit returning to its grass like there was no danger at all. _Thank the Gods!_ Julian waited for a moment, quickly rushed trough the bushes almost tripping in the process and threw his glaive striking right into deer’s flank. The animal abruptly cried in pain; its voice broke off as the hunter pressed the weapon deeper. _Let’s see how you like this._

When the witcher returned to their small camp carrying heavy meat on his shoulders, Geralt had already built a large fire and was talking to Roach. The man distracted from combing horses' mane, which, by the way, had already been straight enough, and looked at his friend with a grin. “Guess, your hunt was a success after all,” he carefully took the deer from Julian’s shoulders putting it on the ground. “And how did you catch it? Waited till it pierced itself on your weapon?”

“Ha-ha, very funny,” Julian laughed sarcastically starting to carve the meat, “I will let you know that I’m not as bad as you think I am, besides…” he cut himself short giving Geralt cunning look. The other witcher rolled his eyes already knowing what the bard wants from him. “I won fair and square, so get your hair wet.”

“Why do I need to do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because it’s all messy and tangled?”

Geralt snorted without any anger. “You’re too neat for a witcher.”

“I will take that as a compliment.” Julian smiled widely, fun lit in his golden eyes, “Now do what I said, while I prepare everything here.”

The witcher nodded and moved towards the nearby river. It had been a while after that mage accident, but Geralt still wasn’t completely comfortable with all that revelation. He knew Jaskier very well, cause the bard simply never stopped talking, when at the same time he didn’t knew this opposite side of his friend. All the rumors about this Griffin witcher were bullshit, now that was obvious enough, but it only begged another question: what was true?

Geralt could clearly see that both Jaskier and Julian were a lot alike. Julian enjoyed playing a lute as a bard, while Jaskier was good with his glaive as a well-trained warrior which only confused the witcher more. _If he is all these things, I know him for, why the hell was he banished from our school? Surely, there had been a good reason for all that._ He thought sinking deeper in the river completely ignoring the cold water. Geralt wasn’t that interested in the bard, he kept telling himself, it was just he simply needed to know more about his friend, nothing much. There was no harm in that, wasn't it?

When the witcher returned soaking wet from his little bath, Jaskier was already waiting for him with a wide smile on his face and a small brown comb. Geralt sat silently in front of his friend asking tiredly, “Do we really need to do this?” bard behind him just mumbled something in agreement beginning his slow work. His gentle long fingers brushed other witcher’s hair, carefully untangling all little knots, while White Wolf silently stared at their campfire not enjoying this whole process, obviously. He tried not to think about how much he liked Jaskier, Julian or whoever doing this as if one wrong move can crush this atmosphere of peace and comfort between them. _Maybe it doesn’t matter why was he banished in the first place._ Geralt hardly suppressed the urge to relax his tensed shoulders and close his eyes. _He is still the same, so what’s the point?_

Suddenly he heard how the bard stopped humming one of his songs quietly asking, “Is everything okay?” his fingers softly finished a braid, he was working on, and started to unbraid it, “You seem a bit tensed.”

“Just thinking.” Geralt simply answered, something weird twisted in his belly. _Wish I hadn’t listened to you. Those berries are good, try them. Bastard._ He thought mockingly not paying attention to this strange feeling.

“About what?” curiosity clearly shone through his calm voice; his fingers stopped for a second.

Geralt smirked hearing almost silent rustle as if someone ran their hand through the grass. He rolled his eyes quickly getting that Jaskier was trying to weave flowers in his hair, but said nothing not wanting to bicker with the bard, “It’s really not that important.”

He could feel how Jaskier also rolled his eyes, before saying quietly right into his friend’s ear, “Oh come on, stop beating around the bush. I know you too well not to recognize this tension,” the minstrel looked out from witcher’s shoulders looking into Geralt’s eyes. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“Fine,” he growled at the back of his throat. Jaskier simply patted his shoulder enjoying this small victory and returned to braiding. “I was just thinking why you were banished from our school.”

“Oh,” bard said quietly removing his hands from the white hair. “I can tell you that, though, not sure you will believe me,” he moved his seat appearing in front of his friend. It took a couple of seconds for musician to find where to begin, during which the other witcher was regretting asking this question. “Well, you remember, how our schools were attacked long ago?” Geralt nodded silently. “I’m not sure whether you know it, but our school were attacked a bit earlier than yours, maybe a year or so. And we all defended Kaer Seren killing mages who decided to slay every single one of us simply because we also bent magic of some sort.”

Jaskier nervously scratched the back of his neck clearly feeling uncomfortable. Geralt gave him sympathetic look encouraging him to continue. “Anyway, we fought, and I managed to get away from that bloody hell with some of our students, when those bastards tried to obliterate us with their magic,” his glare darkened, memories flashing before his eyes, “I got away. Alone. They killed children, Geralt. Even those who weren’t witchers yet. And when I came to your school to warn you, to find some shelter, they called me traitor and banished from Kaer Morhen like I was one of that bastards. They never explained why they decided I was a traitor. My only assumptions are that they thought I was somehow a part of the attac, or that I might've left the trail for sorcerers to find your school. Whatever. I've never learned the truth anyway, so what's the point in guessing?”

Geralt could see how that hurt Jaskier even after so many years, and he felt so bad for his friend. Vesemir never bothered to tell them about all of that, oldm mentor just said that one particular witcher wasn't allowed to their castle anymore, “Fuck. I’m sorry, Julian.” new name felt bitterly on Geralt’s tongue. He still wasn’t used for another way to call his bard, and it felt strange to pronounce anything besides Jaskier.

“Don’t be. You aren’t the one who did that.” the minstrel raised his head looking into his friend’s eyes with some kind of appreciation. “Thank you for listening. Also, you can call me Jaskier, I don’t want to look back.”

“Hmm,” Geralt hummed smiling with the edges of his mouth. He quickly pulled himself together shoving away any thoughts about how he likes name Jaskier more, though the bard still saw that small smile.

Jaskier plucked a small white flower and, after twisting it a little in his hands, carefully wove the plant into Geralt’s hair with a gentle smile on his face. They sat for a while together just looking into each other's eyes. But then the bard got up saying cheerily, “So, do you want to see your braid?”

II

Geralt was sitting in a small inn they got to that morning watching Jaskier as he jumped around the tables happily playing his lute. Citizens were packed in the room, barmaids walked around cautiously with their large ale cups struggling to keep up with all orders. Visitors clapped their hands with wide smiles on their faces, voices combining together as almost the whole town sang with the small minstrel, who seemed on the cloud nine. The witcher liked to see his friend like that. With messy hair, those blue eyes, happiness clearly shining in them like a forest fire, and clear voice. Gosh, he liked that voice. He had never heard anyone singing as clear as a mountain river; this sound made even him relax a bit and let himself enjoy those moments. _He’s really good._ Geralt though once again hiding his smile in his ale cup. Jaskier rushed past him making their bodies touch for a mere second, before he ran to the next table where town girls were giggling looking shyly at the musician. The witcher just smirked not paying attention to them. He had a better view.

However, destiny wasn’t very keen on him listening to whole bard's performance, and for the first time in his whole life Geralt wasn’t good with the man who approached him. Stranger invited himself to have a seat near the famous monster hunter, “Glad I found you, White Wolf. My name is Micoras, and I have a job for you,” the man ordered ale for both of them quickly adding that all expenses are at him and, after looking around, continued in a lower voice almost impossible to hear in all that noise, “Our viscount — Agate August Pankartz de Lettenhove — wants you to deal with our leshen problem.”

“What did you do to piss that thing?” Geralt asked slowly drinking his ale, free ale. _Hope Jaskier would be fine with this trip to Lettenhove. We need money even after this amazing set of his._ He was surprised with these thoughts and pushed them away. Since when was he bothered whether Jaskier would like something or not, again?

In the meantime Micoras shook his head ordering another ale cup clearly drinking as if It was the last time in his life, “We have never done anything to those forests, I swear!” the man exclaimed slamming his chest, but the witcher wasn’t convinced. He silently raised his brow making Micoras shrink under his heavy glare, “W… w… well we do have built a new farm just outside the city, though we haven’t cut any trees.” he looked away quickly wiping his forehead with a small napkin.

Geralt grunted and rolled his eyes when the man wasn’t looking too busy drinking ale. Any other time he would consider this behavior suspicious, however, now he thought that his employer was just getting drink while his Majesty was paying for everything that needed to be done to hire a witcher. _Guess, she doesn’t know a bit about us._

“Oh, almost forgot,” Micoras added after a while struggling to focus on the monster hunter, who wasn’t bothered with that. He often got his contracts from someone even drunker than this fool in front of him. “Gosh, she won’t be happy with me drinking so much. But what does woman understand, right, witcher?” said the man obviously forgetting what he wanted to say. Geralt didn’t answer. “Not much of a talker, huh. Anyway, Agate invites you to live at her mansion, so you won’t need to stop in the inn with a bard of yours.”

Now that was interesting. The witcher wasn’t sure why on earth someone, especially viscount of a small coast town, would invite him to their house, so he asked suspiciously, “Why?”

The question was a bit harsh and clearly scared Micoras, who quickly got up from his place clumsily stepping away in fear, “Our Majesty doesn’t have to ex… ex…” he stopped talking to get some air in his lungs and stop his voice from shaking. “That’s none of your business, witcher!” The witcher growled making the man lower his voice, “Anyway, I will come tmroow to take your answer. And make sure it would be positive, doesn’t like to repeat her orders twice.”

Geralt wanted to get up and show this drunk bastard that he couldn’t talk to him like that, when Jaskier suddenly appeared like he ended his beautiful concert only to prevent a fight from happening. The bard softly put his hand on witcher’s shoulder lightly squeezing it and said joyfully turning attention to himself, “I’m sure, my dear friend will consider her Majesty’s offer. Now, if you excuse me, I need to borrow Geralt.”

The man simply snorted and headed towards an exit allowing himself to stop only for a moment to pinch barmaid’s butt with a wide toothless smile. Jaskier simply waved to him silently watching Micoras leave, before saying goodbye to his ‘wonderful’ audience, which was barely responding to anything going on around them. Geralt thought once again how the bard was able to stay calm in almost all situations, except maybe the few exceptions, while the minstrel was dragging him to their room on the second floor.

When they disappeared from any unwanted ears or eyes, Jaskier happily fell on the bed and exclaimed a bit tiredly, “Holy Melitele, I haven’t played as good as today for ages! Everything was perfect, though the ending wasn’t as pleasant,” Geralt didn’t need to see those eyes to hear mocking in bard’s voice. “Tell me, did you have to show all your grumpiness? Really, I wasn’t fixing your reputation for you to ruin it again.”

“Didn’t like his tone.” Geralt answered shortly sitting beside his friend feeling suspicious glare at himself.

“Guess, that can be the reason,” the minstrel put his lute near the bed, took his necklace off slowly allowing a glamour to drop and then turned to the witcher changing his pose on the bad from lying to sitting right behind his friend’s back, “What were you talking about anyway? I heard something about Majesties, but that’s clearly not enough information.”

Geralt sighed closing his eyes when Jaskier cautiously put his chin on witcher’s shoulder. He really didn’t want to ruin this moment by telling bard the truth, though telling lies wasn’t an option as well, “I was offered a job. There’s a leshen problem nearby.” he spoke quietly feeling how minstrel’s heart sped up with excitement.

“That’s amazing, Geralt." Jaskier softly murmured in his ear.

“It’s in Lettenhov,” he added quickly not wanting to push the moment back. “And Agate offered us a place in her mansion, so that we won’t have to stop in any inn or something.” his heart skipped a beat when he felt how bard’s body tensed for a moment, and his hands tightly grabbed blankets under them, “We don’t have to do this, Jaskier,” Geralt turned around looking into darkened gold eyes. “We can always find another contract.” words escaped his lips without thinking.

“No, not It’s fine, really,” the minstrel answered still a bit tensed. His heartbeat was off. “There’s no point in hating that place now. I mean, my whole family is dead, so I should be fine,” Jaskier smiled weakly only with corners of his lips which made witcher’s heart skip a beat.

“As you say, Jaskier,” Geralt patted his friend’s back in support, before allowing himself to gently drop the bard on their bed preparing for the night. “But If anything goes wrong, you will tell me.”

“Of course, I will.” Julian breathed softly clinging closer to his friend’s body. Geralt grunted silently not thinking about how strange they looked back then, nor about a strange feeling of protection as if he wanted to hide the bard from these painful memories. _Natural friendship, nothing more._ He said to himself slowly closing his eyes slipping into the bottomless darkness.

III

The next morning, they set off on their journey along with the guide pleased with their decision. It wasn’t a long ride to Lettenhove, even with two men walking alongside witcher’s horse it took them a couple of hours to get to the city, though it felt as if they walked for ages. Geralt kept glancing at the bard, who was joyfully telling stories about his adventures with the White Wolf. He didn’t understand why he was looking at Jaskier that often, and why yesterday’s feeling of protection still was somewhere deep inside not melting away, but in fact only getting stronger as they got closer to the city. _What’s happening with me?_ He thought making himself focus his eyes on the road in front of them. _Jaskier is my friend, so it’s okay to worry for him, isn’t it?_ Geralt didn’t find an answer to this and all other questions which haunted him until first signs of an upcoming civilization showed up.

IV

Lettenhove wasn’t a big town, nor the small one. It was just big enough to fit in two large inns, which were located very close to each other, for some reason, and a beautiful church built out of white stone. And, of course, a viscount’s mansion just at the opposite edge of the city. The same second travelers stepped on cobblestone streets, Micoras started his short speech about their problem with leshen, and how it killed some of their innocent citizens. The whole thing consisted primary of complaints, curses, even a pray, so Geralt wasn’t listening. His whole attention was addressed on one particular bard walking alongside Roach, who suddenly got tensed and stopped talking, no matter how hard their guide tried to break silence. The witcher didn’t even need to ask anything, the musician’s stressed look at the luxurious house in front of them made everything clear to him. He had to suppress an unusual urge to take Jaskier away, once again making himself to look somewhere else. Geralt’s glare shifted to a small shop they passed by, which was filling the street with pleasant smells. _Oils which Jaskier likes._ Though crossed his mind, and he, surprisingly, made a mental note to visit it later.

“We’re finally here, gentlemen,” Micoras said joyfully after while standing proudly in front of viscount’s mansion, “Wait here for a sec, I need to announce your arrival and arrange a room for ya two.” he turned away running quickly inside. Geralt rolled his eyes feeling strong scent of relief their guide left behind. _Guess, he didn’t forget our talk._

The witcher felt how bard’s cold hand touched his hip momently returning him in reality. _Shit._ He silently swore getting off Roach, patting her neck a couple of times in gratitude. Jaskier near him nervously looked at his childhood home not sure whether he is ready to step inside after everything that happened.

Geralt gently put his hand on bard’s shoulder squeezing it a bit. “You don’t have to do this. We always can find another job.”

Minstrel shook his head smiling weakly. “You know we can’t. Not here,” he wiped his face trying to hide tears, which rolled over his cheeks, “There aren’t many monsters here. Besides, I can’t run from this place forever.”

Before witcher could answer anything, Micoras reappeared shouting to them. “Are you ready?”  
Geralt gave Jaskier a questioning look which made bard weakly straighten his shoulders morally getting over his fear, “Yes, we are.”

“Great! Leave your horse here, stableman will take care of it.” the man disappeared inside continuing his excited talk not noticing how bard’s voice cracked. The witcher wrapped his hand around Jaskier’s shoulders softly leading him towards an entrance. _We will be done with this soon and leave after that. Just hold on a while._ Minstrel looked in his friend’s golden eyes and silently nodded as if he heard Geralt’s thoughts.

Inside they were greeted like honored quests which didn’t happen often with someone like witcher. He wasn’t sure whether he liked this fuss around them or not, but Jaskier relaxed a bit flirting with young girls, so it wasn’t important what he thought. Maidens quickly showed them around, though Geralt didn’t really remember all things they said, and after this small excursion they were led towards a big room, where everyone left travelers alone to have a bath and prepare themselves for a dinner with the viscount. The witcher slowly walked towards a big bed placing their bags near it and looked back at Jaskier, who stood at the doors feeling uncomfortable. “Is everything alright?”

Bard inhaled deeply calming down and joined his friend on the bed, “Yes, everything is fine. You don’t need to mother-hen me, I really can do this.” he laughed softly for the first time in hours. This laugh wasn’t as bright as it would be at any other place, though it was much better than the one he gave Micoras in the forest.

“Didn’t know I would ever do this,” Geralt admitted honestly. It just felt right to tell the truth, “You know where to go for a bath?”

“Sweet Melitele, what do I hear?!” Jaskier asked loudly jumping from the bed. There was no sign of previous tension, only sparks of mockery in his blue, clean glare, “My dear witcher wants to clean? Without stubbornness and grunts?” he came closer to Geralt and put his hand on his friend’s forehead. “You’re ill? Tell me what’s wrong, that can’t be true.”

“Fuck off, bard,” the witcher growled and removed the musician’s hand from his face getting up from the bed. He felt somehow better seeing his friend at such good mood, “If you don’t want me to change my mind, let’s go.”

“As you say, my Majesty,” Jaskier waved deeply, feather on his hat swept a bit dusty floor, “Do you want to have some oils, or we aren’t ready for that yet?” his overly polite voice echoed from somewhere outside the room, where the bard got surprisingly fast. Geralt didn’t even catch that moment.

“Do I have a choice?” the witcher asked with a smirk on his face slowly following the minstrel towards the door just at the end of a corridor. He wondered why someone needs so many rooms at a house, cause even some castles were smaller that this building.

“Yes, actually. But not today, darling,” minstrel hummed preparing everything. "You see, Agate isn't a fan of someone as dirty as you, no offence, so If we want to get paid, everything has to be perfect."

Geralt walked in beginning to undress himself. They were so used to this ritual of theirs that all their moves were almost automatic, “You know this viscount? Thought you ran from this place like a plague.” the witcher slowly sank into the bath groaning when hot water touched his skin. Although it was still far before the actual winter, it was freaking freezing outside, and fire in their room hadn’t heated the air just yet.

“Not personally, though there were enough rumors among us, bards,” Jaskier simply answered tying his witcher’s hair in high ponytail and cautiously rubbing his friend's body with different oils and well smelling soap, “Heard Agate is a good woman, though she is a bit over serious and punctual, so we have to behave well around her,” there was something heavy in bard’s voice for a second, but he quickly changed the subject not wanting to focus on Pankartz any longer. Geralt didn’t blame him for that, “There were still cases when she got furious with one of my friends, but that happens a lot with someone of my profession," witcher smirked in water washing away last bits of soap from his face. Jaskier behind him joyfully beat him in the shoulder,

"Yes, it's not only me being like that. At least I don't have dozens of bastards all over the Continent as some of my colleagues do. Anyway, here is some clothes for you and, please, just try to pretend you like it,” he slid on the marble floor, with a small laugh, towards the drawer wiping his hands and showing the witcher’s outfit. It was a simple dark shirt with golden ornament on its sleeves and collar, and also a pair of pants in the same color.

Geralt grunted in agreement slipping into the clothes, which gently touched his body cooling it after the bath. His hair was still tied into a ponytail, though he didn’t feel to unbraid it. “It’s actually not that bad. Thought I’d have to wear something bright as you do.”

“Excuse me, my dear friend,” Jaskier gave a voice from the bathtub halfway into the water, “Any good bard has to attract attention to themselves. With unusual appearance, bright clothes or a crowd of loyal fans. As you see, I have all three of them, and that’s the reason why I’m so popular,” he said gracefully bending over the edge of the bath to grab a towel. _Wow._ Thought crossed Geralt’s mind making him feel uncomfortable. The witcher quickly tossed it away focusing on bard’s speech end. “And now, while we have some free time, I want to show you something.”

“And what’s that?” Geralt asked walking after his friend, who was quickly walking in front of him. Jaskier looked as joyful as always, wide smile on his face and light in blue eyes. His movements were a bit edgy, though, for someone who had a hard childhood, he was doing great. _Hope you will stay like that. Don’t want to see your breaking._

“Oh, that’s my little secret,” Jaskier replied running his fingers along the string of the lute, he got from their room. “Just wait, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

V

Geralt wasn’t sure why Jaskier thought he would really like viscount’s garden, but seeing his bard smiling widely, he decided to pretend this view was really good. Minstrel led his friend towards a large oak and, after looking under its roots for a while, exclaimed happily with two cups in his hands, “I know It can be hard for you to deal with me and my past, so here I have something for you,” he leaned once again to the ground pulling out a small barrel of wine from somewhere under the tree, with low growl, “Oh fuck, it’s tight. So, Geralt, for our friendship.” bard said holding out a cup to witcher.

“For our friendship,” witcher responded feeling something heavy falling into his stomach. He quickly tossed this uncomfortable feeling away and filled up another cup with good wine. Geralt was sure he had never tried something as good as this before in his life. “How did you get this thing? Don’t remember we had visited a wine stock.”

“Geralt, Geralt, Geralt,” Jaskier slowly said walking closer to witcher and leaning against his side. Any other day Geralt would’ve just stepped away making his bard fall, though now he didn’t want it. Not because he didn’t want to hurt minstrel, he was just curious, “We travel for how much? For two decades now, maybe more, but you still don’t know how charming I can be. You see, here, under Agates close glaze, those girls are in a golden cage. Beautiful naive creatures stuck in prison without almost any connection with the world. Men in particular,” he drank a bit wine from his cup and slowly walked away to the tree sliding its trunk all the way to the ground, “So, It took some compliments and soft touches to get what I needed. Come on, sit with me. We still have a lot of time before dinner, there’s no need to waste it standing.”

“Bet these girls wouldn’t be so eager to please you, if they knew your little secret,” Geralt smirked sitting next Jaskier, who quickly took an advantage of situation and leaned on friend with his back. Witcher felt something warm spilling inside him, for the first time not tossing this feeling away. _There’s no harm in that._ He thought allowing himself to dive in it and relax. Besides, not everyday moments like this happen.

“I bet to differ,” Jaskier softly argued. His voice wasn’t even a half as lively as it always gets when he wanted to prove his point, as if he also didn’t want to break this moment of peace with loud words, “Despite my bad reputation, I was still very good with humans. They didn’t love me, nor greeted with open arms, though only in few cities stones were actually thrown at me. At the rest of the continent I was treated okay for a witcher.”

He slowly took his necklace off allowing the magic to show his true colors. Geralt looked over his shoulder how white lines of scars ran through his friend’s body like small cracks in the ground. The witcher noticed one big dark spot on bard’s left arm, on which the shirt sleeve was a bit tucked away, and asked interested. “How did you get that one? Did you fell asleep too close to a campfire?”

Jaskier jerked being pulled out of his thoughts and with lifted head gave Geralt a grateful look, “This one?” he asked straightening up. Geralt silently nodded allowing his bard to carry the conversation, “That’s a very funny story, really. You know, we, Griffins, are more into science and studies than in monster battles.”

“Nerds.” Witcher mocked his friend filling another cup.

“We are indeed!” Jaskier laughed almost spilling his wine everywhere, “That’s why our school has all this new signs and potions, we just wanted to make our life easier. And, actually, I got this scar while working on new version of Igni. You know, to make it more effective while at the same time easier to cast,” he turned around to sit face to face with Geralt and continued the story actively gesturing, “And one our new apprentice decided that it was safe to use not finished sign, fire sign I would remind you, in a wooden room full of other witchers. This fool burnt everything like he was a dragon in their court period including my arm in the process,” Jaskier shook his head with wide smile on his face, and this made Geralt think for a sec that his bard was more human than other witchers he met. Was this because he was from a different school? Probably not. “Needless to say, we lost all our work and never finished that sign, though we mocked that fool for ages after that,” he took a pause refilling his cup before continuing. “Now it’s your turn.”

“You know about all my scars and their stories,” Geralt smirked drinking his wine with a small smile on his face. He knew that was a lie, so did the bard.

“Oh, come on, you big oaf,” Jaskier exclaimed loudly hitting his friend's shoulder with his fist, funny sparkles danced in his gaze, “I remember every story I wrote about you, though you’ve never told me about this scar of yours,” he softly poked Geralt’s forehead with his long finger right where long horizontal scar were, “This one is new. Tell me honestly, have you poked yourself with a twig while I wasn’t around?”

“Fuck off, bastard,” Geralt said mockingly slightly pushing bard away. He saw how Jaskier’s body tensed for a moment as if witcher’s words opened a deep wound, but he quickly got himself together and laughed brightly as he always did. _There has to be something more to this. Later I will have to ask about that._ He thought closely looking at bard’s careless movements, trying to spot everything that was even slightly odd. _Not now, though. Don’t want to upset him, nor make staying here harder._ “This one I got this winter while staying with my brothers at Kaer Morhen,” _It’s sad you weren’t there to witness that._ “It was hilarious. Lambert got dunk like he was celebrating passing his trials once again, so did me and Eskel. And after a good half night party this brat decided to teach fighting as if he was Vesemir,” Geralt slowly shook his head with a grin on his face, while Jaskier tried his best no to laugh too loud to interrupt this story, “So we went sparring, but after a while our mentor decided to join us shouting something about how awful we fight and that the first monster would kill us. He was so drunk, he fell on the ground driving us in the process, and because of that bastard I hit my forehead on the table and got this thing.”

Geralt finished pointing to a said scar. Jaskier near him laughed loudly finally splashing wine around them. Witcher grinned quickly moving away from these colorful splashes, his bard easily used to color the ground under them. He was looking at his laughing friend feeling how that small warmth he felt earlier slowly grew into something bigger. He didn’t know what it was, neither why he felt that way, though there were something right in it. Geralt pushed any thoughts away. He would need address this, but later. Besides, both he and Jaskier were comfortable in this garden, away from bad memories and strict viscounts, so there was no need in overthinking his feelings.

VI

When they got to the dining room, sun was already low preparing to leave the skies for moon. Agate wasn’t there yet, only a few maidens prepared the dining table, and a pair of guards were almost staring at Geralt as if he would kill them all with his bare hands. He rolled his eyes perfectly hearing how two men started to discuss him quietly and shifted his attention to Jaskier, who was brushing his clothes from grass. Geralt could see how his bard was literally shining with joy and happiness, so the witcher couldn’t resist to allow a small smile to lift the edges of his mouth. He felt similar inside, no matter how grumpy he looked outside, so when musician started to fix his outfit, he didn’t say anything feeling strangely happy when soft hands touched his body. Jaskier was fussing and quietly mumbling something about good manners, how they should be careful with what they do or say, at which Geralt simply rolled his eyes softly grabbing minstrels hands, when he stopped for a second in front of the witcher to have a look at him.

“Everything will be alright,” Geralt said making sure nobody else would hear these words. They were meant for Jaskier, and only to him, “You look very good, Jaskier, and there’s no need to behave like a fucking peasant in front of their lord. She is no one to us, so take a break.”

“Unusual to hear these things from you,” bard admitted honestly looking softly in witcher’s eyes. For the first time during the evening Geralt got a proper look in his musician’s clear glare, and he was surprised to see something dark shining deeply in that blue ocean. _Were you pretending to be fine this whole time?_ He thought quickly recalling everything that happened between them tonight, when a sudden thought crossed his mind. Jaskier was an actor. A fucking good one in particular. _Why the fuck is he hiding? Gotta do something, before this shit breaks him._

Geralt just wanted to ask Jaskier to be honest, when doors suddenly opened making bard slip from his hands. Witcher cursed silently promising himself he would talk to Jaskier later and bowed respectively greeting the viscount in front of them. On the left to him minstrel repeated the gesture, though even in this very uncomfortable pose Geralt could notice how musician’s whole frame tensed.

“Welcome to my mansion, gentlemen,” Agate said slowly with a wave of her hand allowing them to straighten up and join her at the table, where she was already lazily drinking some wine,

“Glad you agreed to help us with this leshen problem, witcher. Hope this would be enough to make sure that this beast won’t cause us any troubles in the future,” one of the maidens carefully brought a pouch full of coins, and after a quick count Geralt understood that there were twice as much money than needed. He just wanted to mention it, when viscount shut him up another wave. “If you don’t want me to change my mind about your payment stay silent. This should be enough for you two deal with the problem and disappear from this city without much bustling and talks. I don’t need a witcher wandering around too much on my territory.” Her blue eyes, which were similar to Jaskier’s, lit with a silent threat, while the woman was slowly eating a chicken leg.

 _As you wish. Guess, our disappearance was rated equal to the leshen itself. Smart move._ Geralt exhaled sharply and set about his meal wanting to finish it before her majesty decided they should leave immediately only not to bother her with their presence. He noticed that Jaskier besides him wasn’t eating, though he himself looked as always: calm and respective. It was a good thing that his bard was able not to show his emotions when needed, and that was impressive itself; however, Geralt still could smell heavy scent of tension and desperation around the bard. His heartbeat was far far off normal, the rest body trembled almost imperceptibly, while his eyes were looking around in fear trying to find something to focus on. Witcher swore once again and slightly squeezed his friend’s leg in support. Jaskier didn’t react, it seemed like he didn’t even notice a heavy arm touching him.

“Breathe,” Geralt quietly whispered in minstrel’s ear hoping that viscount wouldn’t notice any of this, “We’ll get out of here soon.”

“What are you whispering about?” Agate asked coldly twisting a knife in her long fingers, her eyes pierced in Jaskier making the bard feel even worse, “It’s rude to ignore someone besides you. Aren’t you familiar with simple etiquette rules, bard? I thought rudeness was something rare in your kind of work, but now I see I was wrong.” Geralt looked at Jaskier silently pleading him to try and answer. He wasn’t comfortable with pushing his friend so much, but in this situation he simple had to.

It took Jaskier a couple of seconds to force himself to get together and answer in an even voice, “My greatest apologies, your Majesty,” he bowed his head in an apologetic gesture, “I’m not feeling good, so me and my fried wanted to ask for your permission to leave this amazing dinner and have some rest.” Geralt was truly amazed how clear was bard’s voice. _Great job, Jaskier. Just wait a bit, everything will be fine._

“Perhaps, I could allow you to leave,” viscount spoke slowly squinting her eyes. She put her knife away, “But, don’t you think that this evening is a bit dull? Maybe maestro will perform something for us before heading away?”

Jaskier opened his mouth to answer when his body trembled again, and he started to gasp for more air as if he was drowning. He desperately clung to the table and looked at Geralt pleading to help him. He didn’t have to ask twice. Witcher momently got up gently heling his friend to get up. Maidens in the room quietly screamed in horror rushing to them, but the threatening gaze of golden eyes easily stopped them. Agate also got up curiously watching how Geralt slowly, cautiously led Jaskier towards an exit making sure the minstrel wouldn’t trip over his legs, which disobeyed his every order. He was stumbling, his glaze too disorientated for witcher’s liking. _Fucking Lettenhove with their viscounts._ Witcher kept cursing as they got closer to the precious door. _Get out of here, calm him down and leave this place. Sounds easy._

“Witcher,” viscount’s voice coldly echoed in the room, her hands clenched into fists rested on a glossy table, and her flare was dark as the skies before thunderstorm, “fix your friend, kill the beast and get out of my city. If in three days you don’t leave, you will be killed. From now on you are not welcomed guests in Lettenhove.”

“We’ll leave with joy, Your Majesty.” witcher spat back finally getting out of the room, Agate’s indignant gaze burned through his back. He carefully moved Jaskier to their room, which was just at the corner, terrified with his friend’s state. Geralt hadn’t ever felt so much before, but he easily tossed all feelings aside. Now he simply had to be here for Jaskier. For them.

VII

Jaskier knew, trip to Lettenhove would be tough, painful even, but he never knew he had to experience something like this ever again. Not after all those years he spent recovering at Kaer Seren near someone who actually needed him. Whether it was his friend Coën, or new children, didn’t matter. He felt safe at that school, sometimes also happy. All those terrible memories were long gone, blocked away, forgotten. But now they rushed at him all of a sudden, trying to crash him under their weight, and it was unbearable.

All these happened the moment Agate entered the room. Jaskier was just fine before, he didn’t even have to force himself to feel a certain way when he and Geralt were alone. The bard really felt comfortable, for a brief moment he was able to toss his fears away, lose all that weight which rested on his shoulders ever since they stepped in this cursed mansion. But when he saw those dark blue eyes so similar to his, those lazy moves and a strange sense of power radiating from her, Jaskier simply lost it. Suddenly, walls were getting closer and closer caging a small bard in a prison he once lived in. Panic washed all over his body dragging him lower under the surface, trying to practically drown him in his own thoughts, and no matter how hard he tried to snap out of it, new waves of thoughts just crashed at him again and again. The whole world around him became one big mess, memories collided with reality, and it was almost impossible to divide these things from one another.

He desperately gasped for air feeling hands on his neck, younger brother’s voice echoed in his head, blood rushed in bard’s ears.

_You’re a disgrace, even that witcher takes you because he has to._

_Nobody will ever want someone like you._

_Hope you’ll die in that school. Our family shouldn’t suffer because of you._

These words kept rushing in his head, while the body was dragged somewhere. Jaskier could feel how he was lifted at some point, this simple gesture made him panic even more. _It’s not real._ Bard said to himself trying to crawl his way back from this nightmare, to return to reality no matter how bad it was. But he simply couldn’t. His stomach twisted, wine he drank earlier was trying to escape his trembling body, while his mind was all lost in different fears and memories.  
He didn’t realize he threw up, or that he was already sitting on something soft, low calming voice tried to break through bard’s panic. Jaskier tried to focus on blurred image of someone’s frame in front of him, to catch this glimpse of reality before fear washed over him once again. He didn’t success in that, nor in the weak attempt to warm up. His hand ran through his body rubbing it uncontrollably, nails pierced in his skin, eyes desperately looked around to find something to look at in this horrible nightmare, while another voice crept in his head. It was his mom’s.

_Go away, beast, don’t dare to even poke your nose out of the room during our meeting!_

_You only live because we don’t want to give our kids away!_

_This bastard? He’s just a payment, there’s nothing special about him._

Jaskier could see her angry face, long fingers grabbing his dark hair, pulling them away. Her voice, gentle to his other siblings, was always filled with hot hatred when she had to speak to him, to punish for being too loud, too noticeable. He felt a touch at his shoulder that made him freak, start to scratch the hand with his nails begging this unknown stranger to stop, to leave him alone, to allow him to just die in this horrible twist of memories. But they didn’t stop, didn’t even tried.

“I won’t leave you, Jaskier,” bard tensed as this low murmur finally broke through his uncontrollable fear of death under heavy walls and Agate’s strict glare, “Do you hear me? Just blink once if you can.”

He clung to this unclear sudden warmth, which radiated under his skin despite the constant feeling of coldness, and made himself blink, even though he still wasn’t sure, he should try trust this stranger. For some reason, it was the only thing that felt right, and, gosh, he liked it. Jaskier could feel his hand slowly being dragged to someone’s chest, slow heartbeat softly hit his arm. “You feel how slow it is? Try to match it, Jaskier, this would help you to calm down.”

Bard blinked a couple of times trying to do at least this small thing right. He didn’t want to disappoint this stranger, so even though his body was still shaking, breath sharp as if he were drowning, he made himself mimic those rhythmic movements of someone’s chest like his own wellbeing depended on how well he managed to cope with this task. And by some miracle it helped. Jaskier could feel much better after a while, panic was slowly pushed back by soft rubs on his back and soft murmurs which said something about how this stranger wouldn’t let anyone touch him, or how they cared for him no matter what happened in his life. He didn’t believe it, at first, still cautious to trust someone he didn’t know, but as his eyes started to slowly focus, and the world around him stopped spinning, Jaskier recognized those golden eyes, which looked at him with a mix of softness and concern.

“Geralt?” bard slowly asked reaching for witcher’s cheek with his hand to make sure, to prove to his wretched mind that this is reality. Safe reality, where he is needed.

“Sh, Jaskier, don’t talk,” Geralt shushed at him carefully leaning forward allowing his minstrel’s hand to touch his sharp a bit bearded face, “Just breathe, I won’t go anywhere.”

Musician just nodded slowly calming down completely, his mind quickly reminding about all good moments both he and Geralt shared. Jaskier closed his eyes drifting away in those good memories of them as witcher quietly began to tell him stories about their adventures together, low whisper softly made his way inside bard’s head carefully tossing all last bits of panic away as if they never were there in the first place. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he breathed out after a while opening his blue human eyes and looking gratefully at his friend, “It would’ve lasted far longer if it wasn’t for you.”

“You shouldn’t have bottled this shit in the first place,” Geralt answered bringing bard closer to his chest, witcher’s slow heartbeat was still felt under minstrel’s palm, “I was afraid you would harm yourself, or never come back to being you and would stay like this.”

“I didn’t want to make you even more nervous. Turns out with that attempt, I made things worse than they could’ve been,” a quiet chuckle burst out of his chest, Jaskier slowly clung closer to the witcher resting his head on Geralt’s collarbone, witcher’s cold skin was a blessing to bard’s hot sweaty body, “I really felt happy at that garden,” he answered this unsaid question not long after looking in cat-like eyes, finding himself drown in this beautiful golden sea. _You’re so amazing, darling. I’m so fucking lucky to have you in my life._ “Talking to you really made this whole thing easy, and if Agate didn’t remind me of…” he swallowed another wave of fear feeling tears filling his eyes, Geralt hugged him tighter in support. “I’m so sorry, you have to deal with me. I’m such a mess, a burden to you, a useless weight…”

Witcher shushed at his bard once again lowering his forehead to look closer in those hurt blue eyes, “Jaskier, you will never be a burden to me,” bard exhaled sharply looking at Geralt with warmth, his finger softly rubbed witcher’s cheek, “Before you I was surviving. Hunts, healing, hatred, payment — these were the only things I’ve known before we met. And now I know a lot of things which make my life complete, you being one of them.”

Jaskier just let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and just slowly closed his eyes, comforted with Grealt’s soft words, touches, simple presence. Half asleep he could fell how witcher carefully took his necklace off allowing his glamour to drop. But his hands still held bard like he was a porcelain figurine, already covered in white lines and could easily be broken. _Thank you, darling. For everything…_ Was minstrel’s last thought before his mind completely got lost in dreamless sleep.

VIII

Jaskier woke up in the middle of the night. At first, he felt a little lost lying in a spacious bed with tight feeling of loneliness in his chest as if everything that happened before was just a dream, and he was still a child, but his heart quickly relaxed as soon as he felt a tight grip on his waist, Geralt’s arm guarding his sleep. Bard smiled softly; warmth spilled in his body as witcher slowly breathed out making a couple of hairs fly up. He sat up in the bed carefully removing those two white strands off witcher’s face and exhaled joyfully when Geralt frowned a bit in his slumber. _So peaceful._ Minstrel thought slowly placing his fingers into the sign and quickly teleporting to the other side of the room. _And beautiful. God, he is beautiful._ Jaskier shook his head at these thoughts feeling a touch of heat on his cheeks and carefully walked outside not wanting to disturb Geralt. He perfectly knew that it was almost a death move to wake the other witcher up, so even if Geralt showed some softness, it still won’t save bard. Besides, he didn’t want to feel trapped inside these walls anymore.

Even now, after the attack, Jaskier still felt like a bird which wasn’t allowed to fly anymore, to feel the cool air replaced with dullness of a golden cage. Of a cage he once broke free of. It wasn’t that uncontrollable fear he felt earlier, no. Just, staying inside felt heavy on his shoulders as if the whole mansion was placed on his back making the bard shrink under its weight. So, the only logic move was to get away from here, from Agate and grumpy guards guarding this place like it was some kind of a treasure. Well, it might’ve been one considering all the architecture and decorations if only it wasn’t reminding Jaskier about everything that happened in his early childhood. And now, slowly walking towards a garden, where he wanted to have a time with himself, all that haunted his mind once again.

Everything around him reminded about the misery he felt, while everybody around him made sure that naïve child with a chestnut hair and cornflower eyes felt unwelcomed in his own home. With his own parents around. Jaskier stopped near one of the portraits drawn when he was just a bit older than four. Minstrel wasn’t sure how he got there in the first place, the garden was at the opposite side of the first floor, though it felt just right to have a one more look at his parents. They had never loved him, hated even, but they still brought him to this world, allowed him to be. So, he should’ve been grateful for that, right? Then why did he stand in front of this portrait with pain in his eyes, palms clenched into fists?

Jaskier looked at the painting feeling anger rise in his body. His parents had always looked like true viscounts with their expensive dresses and regal glances they gave to everyone who was even slightly lower them in society. And that portrait fully showed their arrogance and thirst for power. Bard’s mother’s icy-blue eyes shone with a gloomy satisfaction in the night darkness slightly covered with her fluffy eyelashes, while her mouth was twitched in a wicked smile she gave to a boy sitting just near her feet. The child looked miserable, pain pierced minstrel’s heart. Little one was looking at the artist with a silent scream, fear haunted his cornflower eyes and filled them with tears. There was a heavy palm, covered in white gloves, on his head, where dad had carelessly pressed it making a child look even smaller. _No wander it had always hung here, where no one could see it._ Jaskier thought reaching to the canvas with his shaking hand, his whole body tensed under his mother’s cold glare. _They had never called me their child. This was just a duty. A picture of a first son, of someone who would inherit the house. Someone who meant to mean something._ He abruptly pushed his hand away as if it was burnt and took a step back.

“Sorry, I had never been someone who deserved to be loved,” he whispered to the painting almost desperately wanting it to change, to shift somehow and, at least, try to show a normal family. But the canvas was still, his parent’s eyes pierced at him with silent judgement, “Fuck, no matter what’ve tried, how behaved, it’s just seemed not enough for you. As if I wasn’t enough for you,” he clenched his fists tighter looking away from the picture. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. _I don’t have to do this anymore._ Jaskier looked in disbelief on his hands slowly opening palms covered in light lines of scars. _I don’t have to blame myself, feel like I’m a burden to everybody around me._ He lifted his cat-like gaze full off anger and relief. Geralt’s voice echoed in his head, words from earlier made a flame in bard’s chest became a huge fire. _Because I’m not!_

Before he could thing straight again, his sharp nails pierced through the painting tearing that faces away, reviling everything he kept inside for so long. It had long ago poisoned his soul making bard suffer through every day, be cautious about what he did, what he said and how he played as if he tried to pleased someone who was dead for so many years. But he didn’t have to be that way. Because he was much more than a burden, and he deserved to be treated well. “Sorry, bastards,” he spat to a torn portrait destroyed under us merciless hands, “But I don’t need to waste my life on you any longer.”

Jaskier felt so much lighter, he smiled widely at the torn pieces of canvas lying around him, reminding of this part of Pankartz’s history destroyed forever without a chance to be restored. He never thought about how much these memories poisoned him, made his mind toxic, but now, when all of this was released in two outbursts, he could finally be free. Be in charge of his life not looking back on his past. And, oh gosh, that felt good. Bard turned around and slowly walked away, towards their room, to spend his last hours in this house, before getting away with no intend to come back anytime soon.

IX

Sun was slowly drowning in endless sea lazily coloring water surface in bright colors of orange and red, while at the same time drowning these colors from beautiful skies leaving them in deep shades of pink and purple. Seagulls shouted far above the ground singing their last songs of the day, waves gently washed over his toes softly rubbing any sand of his legs. Jaskier sat alone on the beach a bit sleepily strumming chords on his lute playing nothing in particular, just an easy tune he played without much thinking lost in pleasant memories about their recent travels with Geralt.

Despite still being close to Kerak and that shit hole which Lettenhove was, Jaskier could honestly say that he might even consider himself somehow happy. For his whole life he was sure that, If he didn’t die from claws of a monster, he would end up being hang up just because he had crossed someone’s path. That was just simplicity of being a witcher. No memories, no emotions, one or, most likely, zero friends. Then Oxenfurt and barding education had rolled in. He had really enjoyed that one, he still did, but again, he just wasn’t sure that he would find his true happiness. Sure, he was satisfied with his current popularity and people around him, who he wasn’t afraid to get drunk with, but that felt wrong. He still was alone for the majority of the time having only his audience to talk to. Now, however, Jaskier felt truly on his place happily taking contracts and playing his lute for extra coin. Perhaps that one choice he made in Posada all those years ago wasn’t a mistake after all. _I have never regretted that one. Who knew that a witcher famous for butchering people on streets of Blaviken would make my life complete?_ A wide smile ran through his face, a familiar feeling made his witcher heart go a bit faster. _Perhaps that works in both ways, doesn’t it?_

He closed his eyes allowing himself to dive deeper in pleasant memories, that tangle of feelings inside and smell of a sea Jaskier so desperately wanted to visit with Geralt. It wasn’t just an instant desire to spend time somewhere close to the water. It was a lot deeper than that, a complete trip to bard’s soul, to a place where he spent a lot of time before a witcher took him to Kaer Seren. His parents weren’t bothered about his long absence as long as he would show up at his tenth birthday, so seeing waves crush against the sand brought peace to his life. He wasn’t sure why this whole thing meant so much for him, it still was just a lot of water he spent his time watching and, maybe, just a little bit crying. _Fuck, who am I lying to?_ He shook his head and straightened legs allowing the sea to take these thoughts away. No matter why he wanted them to go here, they did it, and well, it went even not as bad as it could.

Suddenly a hand landed on his shoulder returning him to reality. Jaskier jerked in surprise quickly looking around and sighed in relief when he saw it was just Geralt scaring him once again, “For fuck’s sake, did you really need to scare me like that?” he dramatically breathed in and out putting his lute away, “No really, do they teach that at Kaer Morhen?”

“Yeah, straight after training how to hum in response or how to answer in three words or less,” witcher smirked sitting down next to bard. Jaskier moved closer and cautiously put his head in Geralt’s shoulder ready to move away, but no one of them moved.

“Guess, you were the best at those classes. Anyway, why did you decide to join me today? No offence, but you’re not really the type to just sit on the beach, watch sun set, while birds above sing their last songs and…” a soft laughter made Jaskier stop. Bard rolled his eyes and huffed in response only slightly offended. It was his job to find inspiration in the world around him, “Anyway, so what’s about joining me, Geralt?”

“Just wanted to check how you were doing. We still near Lettenhove after all.”

“Everything is fine, really,” Jaskier sighed straightening up and shifted his glance towards the sea once again. He ran his hand through the sand collecting his thoughts together. There were so many things that needed to be addressed, but would it worth it? Bard wasn’t sure. “You see, Geralt, last time I was here — at this very beach — I was lost, alone. This place wasn’t kind to me, you know that rather well by now, I guess,” he smiled sadly, his eyes hidden under his eyelashes, “Terrible parents, siblings were even worse. But this sea has always been special to me. Here I could hide from the world, be alone with my thoughts, and being here now with you really matters. Like in the past I feel safe as if there are no angry people just two miles or so away. The only difference is, however, that I don’t need this sea to feel happy. You understand me, Geralt?”

Jaskier lifted his eyes and looked at him feeling everything inside him tense as he waited for an answer. After two very long silent moments witcher answered. “I understand you, Jaskier. Now I understand why you wanted us to visit this place.” Geralt gently wrapped his arm around minstrel’s shoulder bringing him closer. Bard jerked a bit from surprise, but willingly leaned into this hug, “This is your past, and by letting me in, you showed just how much you trust me, how much I mean to you. And I want to thank you for that.”

“You really don’t’ have to…”

“No, Jaskier, don’t. We’ve traveled so much together. How long has it been? More than two decades, and not even once you betrayed my trust, unlike someone we both know,” Jaskier felt how Geralt exhaled heavily and gently put his chin on bard’s head. Minstrel didn’t even need to think much about who his friend was talking, though he still couldn’t help one thought cross his mind. _What happened between you two?_ “And as I said earlier, you make my life complete. I might not show that, but I really mean it. You’ve become a part of both my life and my family, and I'm really grateful for that."

For a second Jaskier forgot how to breathe. He was literally on cloud nine, happiness and warmth filled his entire body protecting it from cold night breeze, Geralt’s hand hugging him tightly, and his chin still rested on minstrel’s head. Everything was just so great; he didn’t believe it at first. But then a sudden question struck him like a lightning. Bard slowly moved away really not wanting to do that and looked into witcher’s questioning eyes. “And what about Yen, Geralt? You say that I’m a part of your family, and I’m really glad to hear that, but how can I be sure you won’t leave me to be with someone else? I saw your relationship with that sorceress, Essi.” he slightly grimaced at the memory of another bard and even felt somehow bad for sorceress. Not that he will ever mention that out loud, “I’m not the saint either, but I betrayed those because of a need to find my true muse, someone I will be comfortable in both of my lives. I found that already in you and can swear, that I won’t betray you. Can you give me that promise as well?”

Geralt smiled at him just with the corners of his mouth, before softly placing his hands on minstrel’s shoulders, and Jaskier could swear he saw a glimpse of pain in those golden eyes, “As you said yourself, neither you, nor I are saints. It might sound bad of me, but Essi was just a passing interest, a flash of passion, as you’d put it. As for Yen, she made it clear during my trip to Aedd Gynvael that she’d rather not love both men, than choose one of them,” bard carefully touched witcher’s cheek in silent support, Geralt’s big palm covered his wrist, “Besides, I’ve never felt something real towards her. Just a wish pulling us closer, making me feel things just to keep our relationship together. And now I know how that truly feels, because all I feel for you is real. And I’d never hurt you, Jaskier.”

“I love you too, darling.” Jaskier smiled softly back placing his second hand on witcher’s cheek and slowly leaned forward making their lips touch in a gentle, a bit unsure kiss. Just in a heartbeat Geralt answered.


End file.
